Working with Seniors: Health, Financial, and Social Issues

Chapter 18: Funeral Planning

We had gathered, family and friends, to honor the passing of my mother.

I recalled a wicker rocking chair, one that sat in my childhood kitchen. In it, Mom used to rock me and my siblings to sleep and comfort us when we needed it. Many tears were shed in my mom’s lap while she rocked back and forth. That rocking chair had not only rocked me, but my mom and her mom as well.

I felt the comfort of that image, and I took the rocking chair and placed it up front by my mother’s casket. We started the evening with an opening prayer, and then I sat in the rocking chair and began to tell some of the memories of my mother and the rocking chair, and how she had rocked me to sleep, rocked me to calmness and rocked my fear away. Then I invited people to come forward and sit in the rocking chair and tell a story, memory, or tale about my Mom. Several hours passed as the stories from those sitting in the rocking chair made all of us laugh and cry, ponder and gain insight. It was a powerful tool to tell the story of a powerful woman.

Told by Norm Bouchard, 2004

Introduction

Every funeral service is a ritual to honor the dead and to grieve a loss, whether it is for a head of state, a parent, a spouse, or a child. The ritual acknowledges the reality of the loss, celebrates the life of the deceased, and helps loved ones looking for meaning in the passing. While the ritual honors the dead, the funeral serves the living, the survivors.

Most Americans have experienced what is called a traditional funeral in the Western culture, yet religious or spiritual beliefs, ethnic background, family customs, finances, personal preferences, and other factors dictate the characteristics of the funeral ritual and what “normal” or “appropriate” means to different people.

Planning a funeral and burial is an uncomfortable exercise. No one wants to be reminded of their own mortality, whether in planning a funeral—or in creating an advance directive, naming a durable power of attorney, or writing a will or trust. But not to do so can causes problems for survivors, who then struggle in an emotional time.

This chapter highlights the many choices available to seniors in prearranging or arranging a funeral. Other chapters provide detailed information about other end-of-life issues.) It also provides background information about funeral and cemetery preparations to familiarize you with their associated products and services so you are better prepared to support and advise your clients during the often difficult times that will surround them.